Part of me feels like I could end this article right there. However, I know, and I have a career as a coach because people get really good at creating and listening to their bulls&#t. And silencing it is easier said than done. I also find it useful to work with a coach of my own because nobody, not even moi, is free of occasional (and by occasional, I mean regular) bulls&#t.
Fortunately the goal is not to never have any bulls&#t – fears serve their purpose. What’s more important is what you do with your fears when they show up.
In response to fears, people in general tend to fight or hide. (Bad news is this only perpetuates the bulls&#t).
Surrender is a better solution.
At your very core is the desire for growth and an attraction to what is good for you. These innate desires get lost or clouded by all the ‘noise’ – all the judgements and expectations (Side note here: all those judgements and expectations are simply everybody else’s fears (aka bulls&#t) externalised on to you.)
And that is okay. It is what it is. Don’t bother fighting it because that is wasted energy, and it doesn’t work anyway.
To surrender and make a space in your mind and heart is to allow for your innate nature to be heard by the one person to whom it really matters – you.
In his book, The Farther Reaches of Human Nature, Abraham Maslow said:
All the evidence that we have indicates that it is reasonable to assume in practically every human being, and certainly in almost every newborn baby, that there is an active will toward health, an impulse toward growth, or toward the actualization of human potentialities.
This is not to say that surrender and letting go of your bulls&#t is easy (although it can be once you’re practiced at it.)
My tip is that surrender is easier when combined with gratitude. Only just this week I felt tested by a relationship with someone important to me. All of the emotions I felt in this situation were in some way connected to fear, which is always the case when you are dealing with your own bulls&#t. Fear of loss… Fear of an unwanted outcome… Fear of [enter any one of numerous fears here]… Right there in that moment, in the middle of the fear, is an opportunity for gratitude. I can choose to be thankful for the awareness that there is more for me to learn, and that there is a mental and emotional place that I could live in that is higher than where I am currently living (a no bulls&#t place!)
In the moment you choose gratitude, surrender becomes easy. In surrender, the fear is silenced. In the silence, your true nature.
The people in your life who test you and trigger your bulls&#t are your biggest teachers, whether you’ve known them for five decades, five years or five minutes. To them I say thank you. Thank you for helping me to rise above myself.